I've just recently started my hiatus, which has seemingly come out of nowhere. The reality of it is that the idea of taking a hiatus has been periodically on my mind for the last month or so, and as time went on the thought popped up more. I had been disregarding it- not wanting to disappoint people or potentially lose regular viewers by taking a long break. It came to a head though when I was feeling incredibly overwhelmed that I went into a rant on stream. I'm not sure if it was apparent at the time, but by the end of my rant I felt like crying to get it out of my system, but held it back on stream.

There have been are still are many things I've been wanting to get done. I hadn't felt like I could work on those things though because to me, if I had time to work on those things I should be streaming instead. I'm not sure if that makes much sense. I ended up getting into an avoidance loop of doing nothing productive if I wasn't streaming if it was even remotely related. 

After starting the hiatus I've already been able to complete a few things that I had just been neglecting. Did they take a decent amount of time? Of course. Redoing all of my OBS scenes, which is what you guys see while I stream, my starting, chatting, gaming, etc. Redoing all of those took roughly 5-6 hours. I'm sure now you can tell why I kept thinking 'I might as well stream instead'. As that would be a decent amount of time to stream.

I love streaming. It's something I want to give my best for. I got to a point where I no longer felt like what I was putting out was my best though, while at the same time feeling like I couldn't put the time towards the specific things I wanted to improve without reducing streaming time. While I stilled enjoyed streaming, there was a nagging feeling that I was letting everyone down at the same time by allowing myself to not doing my best. So I had to remove the thought holding me back; 'I might as well be streaming'. I didn't realize that by straight up telling myself and everyone I wouldn't be streaming for a while would take the weight off to such an extreme amount that I would be able to jump straight into being productive.

I honestly thought that there might be a week of me just doing nothing in order to recoup from simple stress. Instead my brain went, 'alright now we can focus'. I was quite surprised by this. Seeing myself making so much progress while having felt guilty for long as been such a relief. 

I've already gotten quite a few things done, and I feel like I'm going to keep making a lot of progress towards the other things on my list as well. I've already finished three different things in just a couple of days, and I'm excited to keep making headway. The list of things I've been wanting to do no longer feel like an impossible climb, they are now stepping stones across a peaceful river. I can't wait to show everyone what I accomplish during this time. 

Thank you so much for all your Love & Support.

~SylviaVT July 26th, 2024

Just a couple days ago my computer was hacked. I didn't know at the time that the person that I thought had messaged me on discord had been hacked themselves a while back. So I believed I was talking with a person who I not only had a message history with, but who had been active in my own server. They asked me to play test their game that they had been working on with a friend. Considering I have game reviews on my website, I thought they felt comfortable asking me even though we weren't close. So I agreed, went to the link they sent me, which looked like a website for a startup game, and I downloaded it.

This download immediately closed my browser and discord, and in the moment I thought something was simply wrong with the download so I reopened discord to ask them. They stated they had hacked me and sent me all my log in and passwords that were saved on my computer. They even changed the email connected with my discord account in order to show they meant buisness. They stated they were going to sell my information if I didn't send them money.

My computer was compromised, and my twitch, twitter, email accounts, everything was at risk. Since my computer had been the thing hacked I got out my phone and began with changing the passwords to my emails since I needed to make sure I had access to them to reset my other passwords. As I was doing this, I was stalling the hacker, so they wouldn't do more damage to me, but pretending to go along with wiring them money- taking my time as I did so. The hacker had provided me with a wiring website and demanded screenshots for each step, which I took as much time with in-between sending them the screenshots as I could. 

I also transferred ownership of my discord server to a trusted friend, as I didn't want to risk losing it or harm coming to the server members just because I had made a mistake. I messaged my friends as well that I had been hacked- the hacker messaged me to not talk to my friends at the moment, which did scare me, but I needed to make sure they knew my account was gone.

Once I had changed the passwords on everything I had, I then removed all my friends from my friends list on discord and changed my official discord username. It was when I left all my server's on the compromised account that the hacker then realized I had stalled them out, they proceeded to cuss me out as I left my last server. Knowing I made them mad let me know that I had beaten them. I then proceeded to factory reset my computer, wiping everything from it completely.

Luckily I keep my necessary files backed up in a drive, so I didn't have issue with getting re-set up. 

Thankfully I never saved my bank log in information, or had my credit cards saved either. So the risk was just my social media and twitch, but considering how much streaming means to me it felt like my life was being attacked. I'm very fortunate that my brain hyper focuses in stressful situations. Don't get me wrong, I had a breakdown as my computer was resetting itself- in which case I called my main support, my father. I was able to get through it.

I thought it was someone I knew, despite not talking to them often at all. Always ask clarifying questions. Never download anything unless you're 1000000% sure it's them and safe, see if you can get in a voice call or something to confirm it's them- if they're legit they won't mind that you're keeping yourself safe.

~SylviaVT April 27th, 2024

This year's holiday season was a crazy one for me, though also not very at the same time. This year I've moved out and started living alone, I didn't have the means to have family over during the holidays, nor the money or PTO to go visit. In a different way I still spent time with family. During Thanksgiving I got to have a Friendsgiving, and so I celebrated the day with some found family. It was a lot of fun, and I've been loving spending time with friends. Moving out is defiantly one of the best things I've ever done for myself. It's a lot of work to make it work, but it's more than worth it. 

A lot has changed for me over the course of a few months, it feels like it must have been longer than that. Living on my own already feels like it's always been my normal. I already had good friends before I moved, but now I have even more friends. Things are looking like they're taking a good turn, worth the work. The stress I have now is better than what I was dealing with before. I'm excited to see what's to come; including but not limited to my friends' wedding, who are also making my model. If you want art I highly recommend you commission them at https://vgen.co/gihon You can also visit their website for information on them and their shop which has stickers, posters, soaps, and more! https://www.bluandgihon.com/ 

~SylviaVT December 20th, 2023

  When I was little, before I was ten, my parents had the 'finish everything on your plate' rule. During the time I thought it made sense, you don't want to waste food after all. Now that I'm an adult though, I think that rule was absolutely stupid. Now of course some kids don't eat some food at all because they don't like it (they're not picky, they just don't get to do the shopping so the parents simply get what they like- and how dare their child not have the same tastes), but as a child I found that rule frustrating at times because even when I had eaten, and felt done- my parents who made up my plate, were requiring me to finish it. Luckily for me after they got divorced that rule wasn't kept, and as an adult now I do my best to listen to my body.

  Now, even if it isn't a set time to eat, I eat when my body is hungry, for however much that is, for whatever I'm craving. There are times when it's 'real' food such as a sandwich or tuna, but there are times when it's chips or chocolate. Now all of those things have things our body needs and is trying to communicate with us, even if I'm craving chips, my body is most likely telling me it needs more salt in my system, and it tells my brain chips because that's how it knows how to get it. 

  It's not just food that I listen to my body regarding though, whenever I'm doing something physical I stop when my body tells me to. Now you're probably thinking 'duh' but there are times when I push myself to keep going even when tired because I know and feel I can do just one more set, and other times I stop almost immediately because I know right then I just can't anymore for my body.

  Now listening to your body is all good and easy when you're by yourself, but what about when your in public? One of the things I do with food specifically at events, is I try to eat slowly- not just so people don't bother me, but it's actually better for your stomach. I do try to make sure I'm not eating too fast all the time, as it's something I actually struggle with, but I am getting a bit better. Now most of the time if someone is bothering you about what you're eating for whatever reason it is they're giving, I find usually saying something along the lines of "our bodies are different, and this is what my body needs", you can add a 'thank you for your concern' at the front of it if it's someone you want to make sure isn't upset by it. I find this to work, and if they push you can tell them they're making you uncomfortable, and if you can, walk away. Personally I'm cutting out people in my life who would push after I made it clear they were making me uncomfortable, but I know not everyone can do that. If you can I find a "what makes you think you know my body better than me?" followed by you silently staring at them to watch them squirm (It's important to not say anything and let them suffer) will usually either end in them talking their foot in their mouth or leaving.

No one knows your body better than you do. It's important to listen to it the best you can, you only get one after all.

~SylviaVT July 27th, 2023

The larger squishmallows are the perfect size to have sit on your lap while at the computer, it allows for the perfect squish comfort to squeeze while casually using the computer. They also come in all kinds of designs which can be very cute, but they even have some from shows/movies, for example Star Wars. 

What I really like about them, is that they also have different sizes. I have quite a few torso sized ones, but I also have medium-big and medium, and medium-small, and I even have one the size of my hand. the hand sized one is just a bit bigger than my palm, and they are my desk buddy, perfectly sitting in front of my monitor without blocking anything.

They are so adorable, with the perfect type/amount of squishiness, they just make for a great addition to my life and I highly recommended getting one. fair warning though, collecting them can be somewhat addictive. I don't care if they're labeled as "childish" for being like stuffed animals, anyone who tries to give me flak for it needs to learn to loosen up and how to enjoy life.

~SylviaVT July 5th

  Kindness isn't something I am very familiar with- as growing up I shut myself off from others as a form of protection. As I've been healing and opening up, I've learned that while some people will still hurt you, it's not worth it to close yourself off due to the potential kindness you could receive. I was recently offered help, and while growing up relying on others didn't work out, this came from people who had never hurt me, so I was able to accept their help, though I feel as if they were being too generous. They asked for nothing, when I insisted, they simply told me to pay it forward.

I don't have the words to explain how their selflessness and pure kindness made and still makes me feel. I not only feel loved, but very hopeful for the future. I've been doing my best to be a caring person, but their pure compassion makes me want to do even better. To spread care more than simply being a good person. They don't have to help me, I didn't even ask for any help, they simple offered. My heart has never felt so full, and thinking about it makes me tear up with happiness. While the actual matter itself is private, I just wanted everyone to know just how much an act of care can affect someone.

I don't expect someone to read this and suddenly start a charity or something, I ask you be mindful as I will be. If you are in a position to, help others. Even the smallest act of kindness brightens the world just a little bit. 

I'm not sure if I'll ever quite be able to pay it forward, but I will at least do my best to, even if it's just bit by bit. The world is a brighter place because of them, and I don't know if they'll ever read this, if they do, they'll know it's about them. I know I've already thanked them, but again it just doesn't feel like enough. Perhaps no one will read this, and it'll simple get buried in the blog posts- thats okay. I mostly just wanted to put it out into the world, to give someone a chance to read this. They've affected me in a way no one has before, and I'm so thankful to have met them. 

~SylviaVT July 1st, 2023

  My favorite color is light pink. Pink is the stereotypically girl color- for a long time I convinced myself pink wasn't my favorite color because of that, and that Black was my favorite because it matched with everything. It didn't impact me in a bad way, my wardrobe all matched because it was full of bland colors. However once I decided I was going to stop caring about what people thought of me, I thought I would start small.

  Deciding you're no longer going to care what others think of you, didn't automatically make me not worry about their thoughts. So if you decide to do the same and find yourself still caring, it's all right, we've been conditioned to care about others opinions our whole lives, it'll take time to unlearn that. Start small and work your way up.

  I decided to start with my wardrobe, something I could easily control. As all my outfits were very much so 'hide in the background' colors. I started with buying clothes that suited my body type and getting rid of the ones that didn't- I also forced myself to buy bright colors. I had read somewhere it gives people a confident vibe to yourself. Now by bright I don't mean neon, I was simply replacing black and greys in my wardrobe with light blues, soft yellows, and light pinks. I found myself gravitating to the pinks more and more. I realized one day while putting my laundry away that I wanted more pink, specifically pink. It made me think for a moment about colors. I had realized I loved pink, it was my true favorite, and other light colors such as light blue and yellow were close behind. While black is a good color because it does match everything, it wasn't even in my top 5.

  I felt the happiest wearing pink, and because of that I was my most confident. I over worried about what others thought of me to the point I gaslit myself into thinking black was my favorite color because it was practical. Changing my wardrobe was such an easy thing, and it had such an impact.

  Now I'm trying to add even more pink into my life, in every aspect of it. not just my clothes, but in my funiture as well. I imagine a pink house for myself filled with pink and just overall girly vibes. For no other reason than besides it makes me happy. And if others have a problem with that, they're just a sad person who needs to get a hobby.

  So, make sure you fill your world with your favorite color, I'm certain it'll bright your life.

~SylviaVT June 26th, 2023

  Getting started as a vtuber can be pretty intimidating, with the well known vtubers having amazing 2D models; 2D models are which, those of good quality aren't cheap. Vroid is a big help for those starting out, as it is completely free on steam to make your own 3D vtuber, and there are free programs such as VSeeFace to run said models. Vroid has gotten only more and more user friendly over time with each update seeming to add more hair and clothe presets. Of course some people, like myself, want their model to be more unique- something of which others can't easily copy as you want it to be your own. The good news is that there are plenty of cheap good quality Vroid assets for sell on sites such as Etsy and Booth, from eye designs, hair, outfits, to straight up models for sale. Etsy is also a great place to get overlays, emotes, etc.

  You don't have to drop thousands of dollars to become a vtuber, and can do so for cheap. You don't even need a fancy camera, as I use a basic USB camera I got from Walmart for my model tracking- though I'm not sure how well that would work for a 2d model with a different program than VSeeFace. 

  It can seem overwhelming to get started as a streamer, but if you break it down into parts you realize how simple it is. I found the hardest part figuring out my OBS settings, which I figured out with a simple Google search. If something confuses you, Google or YouTube are great resources to use.

  Before streaming though, I highly recommend being a viewer for a good chunk of time beforehand, as I feel it's important to truly understand that side of things. It's also a good way to do research, as you can figure out what engages you as a viewer, you can see what you like and don't like from other streamers and get good ideas for your own streams. I think it's also important to be a viewer for a while beforehand because you also find out what is expected of you to have, such as a !lurk command- of which every channel I've gone to has one, and if I found one without one they're either new or I just straight up find it odd.

  I think it's important to go the cheaper/free route of 3d via Vroid before investing a ton of money in case it turns out you don't like streaming and prefer being a viewer. It's also important to know you can't just stream to grow. You also need to be on other platforms promoting yourself. one of the things I did was make a bunch of TikToks while I was getting ready for my debut, and it defiantly helped, and continuing to post will help bring more people to your streams (though I suck at being consistent with my TikTok postings, I've trying to do better). Just streaming though won't get you very far, and it's important to know that. 

My personal recommendation is to not play a character- I know there are vtubers that act as their chatacer and it's gre works for them. For me though, I like being myself, but also because I knew someone who did do a character and more than once they told me sometimes they didn't stream because they didn't feel up to putting on the facade. So to prevent yourself from finding streaming itself to be a job, just be yourself. best part of being a vtuber is that no one sees your face- no one knows who you are, so even if someone from your life watches they won't know it's you, so why not just be yourself?

It does take a lot of work to grow as a streamer, but don't get yourself beat up with the numbers. The biggest thing that turns me off from watching a streamer is knowing they're upset about how many people are watching. I turn my viewer count to hide while I'm streaming, as I don't want the number to effect my mood, I just want to vibe and appreciate everyone who is watching me, because each person supporting me is amazing and I don't want any of them to feel like they're not good enough. Streaming is something to have fun with, not stress over, and if you want to know when people are joining or leaving leave that for after stream, there are lots of tools for streamers to use after their stream is done to look at such things.

~SylviaVT June 24th, 2023

  I didn't join Twitch because I wanted to start streaming, though I did start streaming because I joined Twitch. The reason why I found Twitch at all was because I felt like an NPC in my daily life, I hated it, it felt like every day was the same, and if I were to vanish then the only difference would be that my office job at the time would have to find a replacement. So I quit my job of 2+ years and moved to Hawaii as I had some family there. 

  Before moving to Hawaii though there were a couple months between me quitting my job and actually moving. I had so much time on my hands and I had no idea what to do with it. I ended up scrolling on TikTok a lot and mindlessly playing video games. I got bored of that though, and while I was thinking about how this was boring and I still didn't have anything for me as I was scrolling on TikTok a vtuber clip appeared. I had seen them around on my FYP, and I had heard of Twitch before so I decided I would check it out.

  I started following a bunch of vtubers, filling all hours of the day with at least one streamer. It felt better to watch Twitch, talking with people, even if I was still doing the other stuff I had been doing, now I was also talking with people. I got more invested in the communities, and after I had moved decided streaming was something I wanted to try out. 

  There was just a tiny problem, I had a curtain for one of my walls and wasn't living alone. I didn't have a space to stream. Instead I got more involved in other streamer communities, making friends while I researched and prepared for my own debut- not knowing what that would be.

  I put in a lot of work, and if I had been able to stream immediately I would have jumped straight into it. So I'm actually glad I was forced to not stream right away, my entire set up was better for it. I'm not talking about computer or stuff like that. I had been going on Esty for cheap, but very good resources, I actually had overlays. My 3D model looked way better by the time I actually started streaming then when I first decided I wanted to stream. Waiting was a pain, but it was so worth it because the qualities of my streams were so much better because of that.

  My debut stream was around 12 hours. Holy cow, I had more fun than I had expected to. I actually didn't want to end stream when I did, but I was worried about burning myself out, so I made the healthy choice. Ever since that very first stream I have been in love with it. Every day after I have been trying to make things better and better; the evolution of my model being the most obvious. It seems so silly that before I started streaming I was worried that I wasn't going to like it. Now, I can't imagine myself not having streaming apart of my life. I have made so many wonderful memories and amazing friends because of it. I can't wait to see how much I can grow even more in the future.

~SylviaVT June 22nd, 2023